🌿 On Boundaries: Why They Matter, and Why They're So Hard

For many of us, the word boundaries can feel uncomfortable. It might carry echoes of conflict, rejection, or the fear of seeming selfish. But boundaries, at their heart, aren’t about pushing people away — they’re about staying close to ourselves.

Boundaries are the quiet, often invisible lines that help us protect our energy, our time, and our sense of self. They’re not walls; they’re the soft edges that remind us where we begin and end.

When our boundaries are clear, we tend to feel more grounded. More honest. More in touch with what we really need — and less likely to lose ourselves in the demands or moods of others.

But sticking to boundaries can feel really hard, especially if:

• You’re used to putting other people’s needs first.

• You grew up in an environment where your boundaries weren’t respected.

• You worry about being rejected, disliked, or seen as “too much.”

• You’ve learned that love means sacrifice, or that your needs aren’t as valid as others’.

Often, we only notice our boundaries once they’ve been crossed. That tight feeling in the chest, the irritation that bubbles up, the exhaustion after a conversation — these can all be gentle signals that something inside us is asking for more care, more space, more honesty.

And here’s the thing: setting boundaries doesn’t always feel good straight away. It might bring guilt, doubt, or fear. But over time, boundaries make room for the kind of relationships where we can be our full selves — not just a version of us that keeps everyone else comfortable.

In my counselling work both in-person and online, I often work with people who are relearning how to listen to their inner no, and to trust that it matters. It’s not about becoming rigid or distant. It’s about finding the still point inside you that knows what’s OK — and what’s not — and learning to honour it, gently but clearly.

If you’re exploring your own relationship with boundaries, you’re not alone. It takes courage to change old patterns, and you don’t have to do it all at once. Whether you're here in Portsmouth or further afield you can reach out to me to discuss this topic.

🌊 Remember to start small, start kind and know that protecting your energy is not selfish — it’s a form of self-respect.