We all set sail from somewhere. Our families of origin — the people and environments that shaped our earliest years — are like the harbours we first departed from. They give us our first sense of direction, teaching us how to navigate life’s waters. Some beginnings feel safe and steady, while others may be marked by stormier seas. For most of us, it’s a mixture of both.

The Currents That Carry Us

The voices, habits, and patterns we grew up with often flow into our adult lives. We may hear echoes of the way we were spoken to in our own self-talk, or find ourselves repeating familiar dynamics in relationships. Sometimes these patterns keep us afloat; other times they weigh us down.

Recognising these influences isn’t about blame or rejection. It’s about awareness — noticing the tides that have carried us so far, and realising we can learn to adjust our sails.

Shifts in Perspective

Sometimes, the very traits we admired in our families of origin take on a different meaning as we grow and reflect. What once looked like drive or ambition in a parent may, with time, be understood as restlessness — a constant chasing after something just out of reach.

It can be uncomfortable when our view shifts like this, but it can also be liberating. These moments of recognition help us notice the same patterns in ourselves, and give us the chance to choose differently.

With time, therapy, and support, many of us discover we don’t have to keep chasing. We begin to feel more grounded, more content, and more able to live in the present rather than always scanning the horizon for what’s next. This shift — from chasing to being — is one of the quiet but profound gifts of therapy.

Treasures We Can Keep

Even in families marked by difficulty, there are often gifts: resilience, humour, creativity, determination. These are treasures we can pack in our boat and carry forward. Naming and honouring them allows us to hold onto what steadies and supports us.

Lessons From the Rough Waters

We can also acknowledge the patterns that no longer serve us. If we grew up fearing disapproval, we might now practice self-acceptance. If silence was our strategy for keeping the peace, we might learn to give voice to our needs. These lessons don’t erase the past — they help us chart a freer course for the future.

Sailing On With Compassion

Moving forward means steering with kindness — for ourselves, and often, in time, for those who shaped us. Therapy, mindfulness, journaling, and supportive relationships can all serve as guiding stars, helping us find steadier ground when the waves feel high.

An Ongoing Journey

Our families of origin will always be part of our story, but they need not be the anchor that holds us back. We can carry the good, learn from the not-so-good, and continue to steer towards a life that feels more like our own.

✨ Reflection: What gift from your family of origin do you carry with you? And what old pattern are you ready to release as you set your own course?