We live in a world that celebrates achievement, productivity, and getting things right.

We are encouraged to improve ourselves constantly. To be better parents, better partners, better workers, better people. To be our best selves and to live our best life!

Meanwhile we're constantly being shown other people’s carefully edited Instagram lives, this can become exhausting and demoralising.

I often see people carrying the weight of the unspoken expectation to have it all together. This is especially true for those in caring roles — parents, therapists, teachers, nurses, carers, support workers, and the people who naturally find themselves looking after everyone else.

Many helpers struggle to take care of themselves to the same extent that they care for others, they may feel guilty if they take a break, selfish for booking leave or ashamed if they have any negative thoughts about those they’re caring for.

Parents are often sold the idea that they should instinctively know how to do everything naturally. When exhaustion, resentment, overwhelm, frustration, or self-doubt appear, many feel alone in it.  Nobody says anything as everyone thinks everyone else has it all sorted.  The feelings of needing to push through, keep smiling and show the world how well we're doing can leave us frazzled and resentful.

But being human is not the same as being perfect, it is messy, some days feel great, some not so much.

No one can endlessly give without needing support themselves.  Imagine carrying a heavy rucksack – it’s fine for a while but eventually it feels too much and you have to put it down, it starts off totally manageable but that doesn't mean it is sustainable long term.

Behind the "sure, no worries, I'll do that", people might actually be thinking "blimey, how am I meant to fit all this in?" but over time have become the go-to person at work, at home or maybe in the relationship.  Nobody ever agreed it, it isn't in your contract yet it falls to you time and time again.   Changing things feels challenging, most people aren't fans of change and so we keep on doing what we've always done.  On the other side of the change there can be a little bit of space, some time to rest and a chance to share the load more equally where possible.

Counselling with me can provide the space to explore all this stuff, without judgement and with a gentle and down to earth approach. It isn't about becoming unhelpful or mean, rather to see if you can gently lighten the load.